a skyful of maybes

"This guy back there... this guy..."

One of the other women tells her to slow down, to breathe.

"This guy what?"

"What guy?"

"This guy back there... he called me a... a... c-c-cougar!"

There's a Kate inside me that's 50% good samaritan and 50% bitch and that particular Kate thinks, at that particular moment, Dude. You're wearing tight white pants and black gladiator stilettos and a low-cut beaded top and you look, you know, KINDA HORNY.

Thankfully, Polite Kate has control over my mouth 75% of the time and Polite Kate says, "How old are you?"

She shakes her head vigorously and sways from the recoil of it. Someone else asks her the same question. She shakes her head again, this time with her hand over her mouth.

"I'll bet you twenty thousand bucks I'm older than you." I think I am.

"No way." A splash of rum and coke lands on my foot.

"I am. And if I'm not a cougar, neither are you and that's because I look kinda, you know, most days, LESS HORNY."

"There's no way you're older than me."

"Am so." I hope I am.

"Are not. I'm a cougar."

"Oh come on. How old are you?"

"34." She might have said bank robber or arms dealer or chronic farter for the look on her face.

"I'm 37 on Tuesday." I might have said Here take this backhoe full of $100 bills or Any man who calls a woman a cougar only makes a statement about himself or My name is Willy Wonka and I am here to save you from yourself for the look on her face.

+++

Inside my head it looks like this.

Sometimes it's pea-soup fog and I can't see for shit. Or sleet rain. But it's there, and it's never been there before. Autonomy. This knowing that if I want something, I may as well take it or make it or at least try.

I am not afraid anymore. Today is Tuesday.*

*and there may be stilettos.

Comments

[Bon]

happy happy lovely.

thought of you this morning, wondered if this was the day. i like your blue skies.

[Heather]

You can't tell a cougar by her age...only her clothes. LOVE THIS! And, glad the fog has cleared. Walk tall in those stilettos.

[Alison, Brighton]

happy, happy birthday! hope you have a wonderful day whatever you may be doing, pantless in New Brunswick or wherever the wind has taken you. Glad it's nothing but blue skies for you today.

[leel]

that's it, the autonomy. that's what my late 30's seem to be bringing me.
and i love the fact that nobody would ever guess my age. plus, i always love a good shocker. "THIRTY-SEVEN - yup, 1973" BAM. O.O

happy birthday! cheers to less and more.

[red pen mama]

As a woman skipping out of my 30s in a few short months (okay, WADDLING out), I am a little tired of women in their 30s being appalled at how "old" they are. (which I know, from the second part of your post, is not you, Kate.) You know who's old? My grandmother is old. She's 92. Me? I'm not old yet. I may be old when I'm 92. But I may still be fiesty enough to kick some ass and chew bubble gum.

Which is another way of saying: I feel, too, what is in your head. On my good days. Heavens bless you for seeing the horizon and going for it. Have a happy birthday.

[tanya]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

and autonomy ... i love it. i can't wait until i get mine ...

[misty]

I heard that 37 is the new 27. :)

Happy Birthday

[Bethany]

Happy birthday Kate!

[Mamie]

You look gorgeous at 37, inside and out. A very lovely day to you full of the possibilities of Viggo, cake and eggplant. Happy birthday, my friend.

Shuddered a little bit with the 'cougar' encounter. I am 34 and live in the land that gave birth to the abomination....Disneyland on a bad day now feels like a porn convention. Nothing wrong with stilettos though. Enjoy.

[Ryan]

HB pal.

[mosey]

You can't be a cougar at 34, can you? Not that I know much about it since I last wore stilettos, um, never. (bad feet, already almost six feet, otherwise I would have rocked them at some point)

Happy Birthday. Reach out and grab it. (and I think I'd love both Kates...)

[Cheryl Arkison]

Happy Birthday! I'm sure you'll be able to rock the stilettos, but white jeans? Nothing says cougar like dressing as if you were in junior high, but hopefully more horny than then.

[Sweetsalty's Mom]

Happy Birthday again! Can't wait to celebrate when you get back. When I was 37, you were 11...now that makes me feel old!!
Lots of love and <<<HUGS>>>
Mom and Dad

[Titanium]

Wishing you the very happiest of Happy Birthdays, Kate! And the 34 year old Cougah? Sad. A waste of stiletto heels, really.

[dcawvive]

There is NO SUCH THING as a waste of stiletto heels! Happy Birthday.

[Carol]

Rarrr!

Happy Birthday!

[thordora]

happy day friend. :D

[Alison]

Happy Birthday, Kate! :-)

[Neil]

Better to be a cougar than an aardvark. Happy Birthday.

[Joy]

Happy Birthday! Autonomy is a wonderful thing, and so are stilettos. Enjoy your blue skies and stillies. :)

[Betty M]

Happy Birthday!

[kdiddy]

Happy Birthday, Mama!

[Danny]

Hope you're having a fantastic birthday, Kate! You still need to come down to L.A. to experience the debauchery firsthand.

[Erica]

Happy birthday!

[afteriris]

Have a lovely blue-sky birthday Kate x

[Anne]

Happy birthday you fearless beautiful wonderful woman!

[Kerri Anne]

Happiest! of birthdays to you, friend.

[zchamu]

Happy Birthday! 37 was when I quit my life sucking job and started blogging. It's a pivotal year, lady.

[René]

Ducking out of the corral momentarily to wish you the happiest of birthdays. Young 'un.

[Jen/LA]

Happy Birthday!

[Christine Sweet]

Happy Birthday sweet Kate. I'm glad you were born. Thank you for your reminders of real life that are equal parts hilarious and lovely. Have the loveliest day. :)

[flutter]

Happy Birthday, I just want you to know how very much you inspire me.

[Maggie, dammit]

RAWR.

(happy chill potential-packed skies, birthday love.)

[starrlife]

Well, you are a youthful woman compared to some-ahem. So, get out there and roar for your Birthday!

[Emily]

A toast to you, salty Kate.

Hm. That makes you sound like a bag of norwegian licorice candies.

Um, Happy Birthday, then!

[janet]

The inside of my head looks like that, too! Except my clouds are shaped like bottles of Sleeman's Original Draught.

That might explain why my 4-year-old confused my belly for my butt yesterday.

Enjoy 37, Kate.

[Leah]

Happy Belated Birthday Beautiful Kate! We can't wait until you are back.

[Betsy]

I know I'm throwing off the chi of this post, comment 38 that I am, on this 37th occasion. I just stopped by to say - it is IMPOSSIBLE that you are 37.

You are such a crust of wheat bread. And I mean that in the most excruciatingly J.Crew way possible.

[angelica]

love your happy blue skies. 37... will be joining you in a few weeks. as my wise brother likes to say, the best time should always be NOW. Hope you are making the best of it

[Gal]

They say (those who are older than 49), "Just wait till your 40s. Those are the best years." I'll take that, as I sit unsure how exactly to feel at 39. Happy Birthday Love to you, Sweet Kate.

[Jett]

I was on the road on Tuesday and self-absorbed most of the rest of this week.

HEPPY BIRSDAY!