playing catchup: reverb 2010, batch one
Reverb#10 is all about hindsight and crystal balls. Through the month of December, authors write prompts on the past year and the next one, and something like 3,000 people respond. My prompt is set for Christmas Eve, the day most people will be busy licking mince tarts and tortiere off their fingers and preparing to celebrate the glorious arrival of the holy saviour Santa Claus. I asked the lovely Gwen Bell to title my prompt ONE FOR THE HEATHENS (there are 372 confirmed heathens among that 3,000) but she muttered something about editorial liberties or somesuch. I told her she could also say ONE FOR THE BARBARIANS or ONE FOR THE ANTI-TARTS. This hair-splitting adds another 141 people who are totally going to respond on Christmas Eve. Besides. Synonyms are good. I will let Gwen Bell choose because it's very disarming to demonstrate a willingness to adapt. This has been my experience.
So last night I was lying there thinking about barbarians and it occurred to me that I'm not playing along. All the other authors are as much participants as they are contributors and I'm pulling a classic Prompt 'N Duck. It felt like a cheat. And so I'm slowly catching up, even though it's against my core principle to blog too often. My social media brand is a three-pronged strategy of alienation, obscurity, and infrequency. All this put together makes me an enigma. Catching up compromises this strategy. But it's very disarming to demonstrate a willingness to adapt. This has been my experience.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the world to be that captures 2011? ~ Gwen Bell
2010: Naked. That's how it feels to have a book in the world, and to be expected to write another one. Just this constant shiver and sucking-in of oneself.
2011: Naked again, this time with a toque and some Longjohns of Fortitude.
What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it? ~ Leo Babauta
Sitting here chewing on my fingers with my shoulders clenched up around my ears, agonizing about what it feels like to be naked. That doesn't add much to my writing. Can I eliminate it? No. Eliminating it isn't possible unless I zap myself into the future and get re-engineered as a cybernetic organism. It's not so much about eliminating it as getting more accustomed to living naked.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). ~ Ali Edwards
I can't tell you that, Ali Edwards. I'm sorry. I'm saving that answer for my own prompt on Christmas Eve. I don't have enough moments to go around. I am hoarding my aliveness in my own self-interest.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? ~ Jeffrey Davis
I don't know if I ever consciously cultivated a sense of wonder this year. I felt wonder at watching people walk away from me with my book in a bag. Most of this year's wondering was the shoulder-clenching kind.
Wait. Stop. I cultivate a sense of wonder whenever I pick up my camera. That's it. I look through a bargain bin lens and everything slows down and sings.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? ~ Alice Bradley
An obligation to be 'authentic'. Because sometimes you need to sit quietly with yourself.
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? ~ Gretchen Rubin
I finished a painting. I keep it under my bed so nobody will see it. I cleaned yesterday, the kind of cleaning that involves moving furniture and a bucket of soapy water, and I found the canvas again, and I pulled it out and finished it. I'd started it because I had something I wanted to express, and I couldn't do it with words or photographs. So I thought I'd see if I had any aptitude in another creative medium. I don't. All I can hear is Liam's teenaged voice saying, "God, mom. You're sweet but that's terrible."
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? ~ Cali Harris
I started the Glow in the Woods community in 2008 and this year, I began the process of leaving it. Loss is this ache, a constant awareness. But all of a sudden, I felt incapable of tapping into it at will. Despite being more proud of that space than almost anything else I've ever done, I suddenly felt like the ambassador of death. The hostess at the front who finds you a table. I was physically tired and emotionally bankrupt. I didn't want to be the witness for a collective anymore. I had a book due, and I wanted to be oblivious again.
Some things are still automated and yesterday I got an email through the site from a woman who said Please let there be somebody else out there. My baby died three days ago and my milk just came in. Everything in me quieted and I whispered to her that I'd find her something by the window.
I am Liam's mother, and so I take the hand of Eliza's mother. I can't not.
Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. ~ Karen Walrond
My scar. My ability to look at my scar, and at the scars of others. My ability to mourn its fading and dance in the kitchen the same day. A few other things, maybe. Anything but this horrific haircut.
What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. ~ Shauna Reid
At BlogHer's Mamapop party in New York I wore a hot pink little dress and red flat shoes. I'd been wearing heels two nights in a row and my feet were screaming bloody murder and this is the party of the parties, but slipping my feet into those flats felt like a revolution of orgasmic proportions. Partly because of the flatness, and partly because of the hot pink plus the bright red. I was a cinnamon heart. I went to that party and I felt seen. Not in the hot-pink-dress kind of way, but in a knowing-seeing kind of way. It's a relief to be seen like that.
What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? ~ Susannah Conway
To surrender completely to the whim of my editor. To admit that as a writer, I am an untrained puppy who tracks mud onto freshly cleaned floors and pisses in dress loafers and gorges on chocolate and then barfs all over the backseat of the car. I'm all drooly and exuberant and just kind of a mess, phaloomping all over the place. If I'm going to get better, I need to quit being so delighted with my own creations and submit when she yanks back on my leash. I need restraint and guidance. Recognizing this makes me feel like a real grown-up. This makes me deligh-- (yelps).
What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? ~ Sam Davidson
I can't think of eleven things I don't need in 2011, except for BEING BROKE. I should consume less butter, fewer eggs, and not so much beer. I need a camera with some street cred and I need more of those Boiron NERVOSITÉ homeopathic spaz pills. I don't need any more laundry. I need to smarten the hell up. I should probably go for a walk at some point. Outside. I need less of this bad haircut, this dishwasher that never pops open the detergent, self-loathing, and vampires. I need better tea. This Red Rose is killing me softly. I need less artistically justifiable unemployment. I need new underwear. I need $42,000, a job, and a knock at the door from Hollywood.
This one's stumping me. Everything I think of that's a doesn't-need gets all twisted around into a WANT-WANT-WANT. I can't bear to look at what other people have said for this one. Probably stuff that points to less consumerism and fewer bad habits and less self-sabotage and more self-love or courage or kindness to others. And all I can think of is SOMEBODY GIVE ME $42,000 AND MAKE IT SNAPPY.
What about you, to any of it?
Monday, December 13, 2010
Reader Comments (39)
so many clothes that no longer fit me.
a dirty house
a miscarriage
in laws that dislike each other
my parents living so far away
a procrastinating husband
debt
flab (everywhere)
a tiny apartment
the ability to make my husband irritated
the need to spend
I can totally reverb the heck out of you. I'm just not too great with doing it for myself. :)
Man. You and me need to meet for a beer.
You paint?
And guess what. Us Jews will have nothing else to do on Christmas Day other than eating chinese food and doing YOUR prompt!
And I still have your book prominently place in my bookshelf, right between Tom Wolfe's "Bonfire of the Vanities" and "The Dummies Guide to HTML," two of my other favorite books.
Most of these questions I can't answer. I don't have an answer to.
Best gathering: I didn't have many thinking of it now. Fredericton was scary and fun.
Community joined: twitter, flickr, shutter sisters
11 things I don't need: My answer is alot like yours. If you find someone to give you the $42,000, send them my way.
So I don't have 42 grand to part with. But if you need a hair net intended for the world's richest short order cook, let me know.
I'm liking reverb -- but yeah, I think it is a lot of recognizing self-defeating acts. Recognition is great, now how about a self-help manual to fix it all?
and YES -- haircut pictures, now!
self-loathing
annoying upstairs neighbors
the 3,000 miles between my lover and i
procrastination
facebook
perfection
heaters that don't work
fuckwits
bad hair days (i hear you sister)
stress
I will reverb Xmas eve because I like heathens and preening to be one. See you then. ;)
I'll r
Made my way back to you from Gwen Bell's tweet today. We actually met on the street in Vancouver a few years ago and I recognized you from your blog. Vancouver is rich with celebrity sightings =)
I've taken and turn lately and brought my family along with me. Trying to get rid of our wants and be happy our needs are met. Seems to be working. Yes, I have been bitten by the minimalism bug.
There is a good chance I will be back in the cubicle crush in 2011 as my husband explores a different career path. I don't need to be sad about this turn of events. I will be but I don't need to be. Not sure that makes sense but I don't need to pine about leaving artistically justifiable employment. I need to just be and do and like where I am at.
Rachel
I'm constantly playing catch up with reverb10, it's quite a challenge.
Looking forward to your prompt x.
It's shameful how much of it I drink in an effort not to stuff my entire face with chocolate and holiday cookies.
Add me to the pagan barbarians who'll be up for your #reverb10 prompt on Xmas. You rock.
Growing up - being an adult in an adult marriage,sigh...
vegging out- I could eliminate it but I don't want to - for my sanity
Driving down the road surrounded by the vivid colors of fall in VT
Playing Trouble with my daughter
Let go of the fantasy of prince charming
I'd like to make a quilt but I had to make dinner
Community- read my post http://starrlife.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/how-do-i-know-you/
I am vivacious and bold in expression- irreverent and not overly tactful and yet value kindness above almost anything except perhaps loyalty. I am a Celtic warrior princess with a heart. I love your scar love Kate.
Not fond of social gatherings- can't think of one.
Blanking on wise too- tired now. Please don't let your editor break your spirit there Kate- your soul is yours and what we love is just that.
11 things is just too much, way too much. $42,000.? A camera? sounds good.
I'll have to check back on the reverb10 but I can't make it a chore eh?
BTW, I dont suppose you want to tell me as to why you are against blogging too often (you could DM me @onSanity) thanks
I have lots of words, and none.
I hope that 2011 (God. Really?) brings me at least 11 hours closer to my love. this 14-16 hours caper is just... it's annoying, and it hurts.
I've been trying to decide for a few weeks if I'd be able to write some kind of reverb or year in review or something. I couldn't blog every day for a month. I'd get more sick of the sound/sight of my own voice than I already am. Whether I do or not, you, your boys, your breakfasts, your cabin.. highlights, for real. I know more and less about myself than I ever have before thanks to 2010, so I'm glad to have spent a few of 2010's days with you.
xo
I, too, would like a healthy influx of cashola. I read somewhere that if you simply send your wish out into the universe, you will get just that, and I don't know how that can be anything but completely true, so are you listening, Universe? I'd like $115K this year, no more no less: $60 grand to send my kids to international school in the city of my choosing, $42 grand for this cool-ass chick in Nova Scotia, and the rest grand (I am excellent with math) to fly my favorite people in the world (applications still being accepted for these spots) across the ocean my direction for a European vacation. In return, Universe, when you make this wish come true, as you will do, since you love me and it is nothing less than what I deserve, I promise to give up self-loathing, spazzing and my unwillingness to adapt.
Beer's still on you, though, Kate.
Xanthe, I'm unfailingly in awe of you.
Erin, that tea looks like my cup.
Angelica, that was a joke. Sort of. I just don't blog as often as they say you should. I'd rather say nothing at all than feel pressure to fill space. I'd like to say it's my enigmatic strategy but really, nope. Just being okay with occasional/frequent crickets.
Alison, likewise.
Gwen, likewise too. xo
I have a secret.
For half of 2010, I was still mostly shooting automatic.
Then, I stumbled across your photoblog and devoured the entire thing in an hour.
Haven't shot automatic since.
Not thanking you for that would be silly. So thanks. :)
That's all.
Where's my t-shirt????
Course, this helps you not if you use the powder.
nb. Gorgeous, glorious post.
http://thejourneyshared-cazamataz.blogspot.com/2010/12/reflect-and-manifest-for-2011.html