I have read your every post and I wouldn't mind my YA aged kids to read all of it. My kids are little right now, but later, when they read your book I would be happy that they could see how life works through your eyes. By the way, they have heard the f-bomb already, from someone much closer to them than you.

I would not let my child read your blog Kate, cause then he might see this... "Litererary lesbian"! I love that, that is so me! And I like Tony Danza and adult baptism. So you are more far reaching than you think.

So, like, give yourself a rating (PG13) and should any mother of a reader read this she will love you all them more and should any father read it, I feel for his wife!

Seriously, make a log-in for your blog or something, so a kid can't just type in the site and see an f-bomb or something like that, but 'keep on keeping on' otherwise. You will never make everyone happy, but I speak for a lot of people when I say you make us so happy to read this space and I just don't know what I would do with out that freak-of-nature honesty you bring to it. We would not want to lose that! :)
Blessings!
...
oh and f-bombs seem to be a tool amongst my favorite authors... so you can't be the only one that likes them :)

I second Megsie's comment - my kids have heard the f-bomb already, and Isaac used it in context before his third birthday. *ahem* I am so proud. And SUCH a good role model.

Would I worry if my YA kids found your site? Nope. To be honest, I suspect the vast majority of kids that age wouldn't stick around; I doubt they see many linkages between the pirate novel they love and the sweetsalty persona that lives here.

I censor myself on my site all the time, mostly because I don't want to cause marital discord or familial ruckus. On my site I swear, confess to only showering once a week when the bathroom was out of commission, admit that I've smacked Isaac, discuss my fears about how living with a sick in-law will destroy my marriage. You've met me; I think it's safe to say I'm pretty much the same in person as I am online.

If a miracle happened and I ever had a book published, I don't see me changing the way I handle my blog all that much.

I would probably make my Twitter and Facebook private, though. That's to me more of a friends & family kind of thing, and I wouldn't want that to have the same level of access that my blog does.

I wouldn't mind if my 12 and 13 year old sons (who will most *certainly* be reading your book when it's available, along with me) read your blog. They read pretty mature modern material (some Dean Koontz and Stephen King) along with the Erin Hunter and Eoin Colfer stuff, and the classics required by school, so they've been exposed to some grown-up writing already. I think your writing is so colorful, poetic, and literarily (ha!) sophisticated that it would be great for their minds.

I do, on my blog, *not* talk about the wild and wooly stuff so much since my boys read it, but that's just because I don't want them (and my mother in law, and my uncle, and our family bishop) knowing all their mama's dark secret thoughts.

Anyway, I woudn't worry about readers finding your blog and reading it. In my opinion, those too young for the material won't keep reading, and those who are old enough will benefit from it.

If people think that the authors of their kids books are upstanding virginal citizens who tend to sick puppies and only drink non-alcoholic beverages, never utter an oath beyond "Lordy," and whose lives have followed some cosmic Disney-fied arc of goodness and happy endings and long-term marriages, they are sorely mistaken.

Kate, I imagine you're not even the most surprising. I bet you don't register on the scale.

Um, no.

Also: "Is that persona who you are at the root, or is it perhaps braver or less diplomatic or more articulate than you are in reality?"

All of the above, and then some. And each cannibalizes each. Every day.

I think that a person's blog gives the reader a skewed view of who they are--it's only one piece of the whole, and not a complete picture. I know that for me, my blog is where I hash things out so I can be done with it already...it's not like I go around all day every day thinking deeply and brooding about everything. But someone who reads might think I'm incredibly serious (and boring?) all the time. It did make me uncomfortable that some of my family and neighbors were reading all that stuff and might've considered me mentally unbalanced, so I started over with a new blog & didn't tell them. Now I feel free to write what I want.

As far as kids coming here, my kids are young so I monitor what they view online. I check it out first, if I think it's inappropriate, they don't see it--that's my job. There are things written here that I don't think they're ready for, but I wouldn't have any problem with them going to the site for a book written for their age group no matter what the author said or wrote about outside of that.

I do not think there is a need to filter yourself here for any possible YA reader. There are a few reasons for that. Those kids (I live with a few) are much more sophisticated than we were at their age and just might throw the f-bomb around more than we do. And I think the complexity of your writing here, your subject matter, would hardly garner their true attention. And if it did, and a YA could interpret the nuances of your language here, well, more power to 'em. That would be one smart and tuned in YA. Hope it does not sound like I am putting those youth down, just that there are things that might fly right over their heads, such as 'literary lesbianism' and speak of red stove harlotry.

I have no idea what my blog is anymore. Two year olds are fun but hard to romanticize and write to on a monthly basis. I think I present myself genuinely enough, but then I guess when I look at posts past that makes me a :: Mama that crafts all the time, takes pictures, occasionally has something to say that might have some import, tries to stay abreast of the Internet happenings and ebb and flow that it brings.

Do I hide parts of myself? Of course. They are not really any one else's business. Do I use the f-bomb. Not often, grandma reads to see the boys and I do not know how to judiciously use it...it would be every other word on some days. One of the biggest compliments that I had had is when a friend I know in real life went back and read stuff. I was afraid to ask, not sure why, I guess I did not want her to call me a poser. She reassured me reading was like talking to me. Not sure if that is a compliment now that I think of it and realize I have 12 readers or so. Hmmm.

Any ways, keep writing as the SweetSalty we love. She is the one that generated the pirates, she is the one that shared her deepest loss and struggles, she is part of you and we would miss her greatly is she went away.

I am madly taking notes. How much do I owe you and your readers for doing all the thinking on this one, Kate? :-)

I was reading this post and enjoying the sweet saltiness of your voice, as ever, and I thought, how cool would it be to go to JK Rowling's website, and find an adults section (not password protected - yuck - but with fair warning) and find out that she's a complicated, grown up person with a real life like the rest of us? Well, not quite like the rest of us, but you get my drift.

I think it would be pretty effin cool.

My situation is the reverse: my book is shaping up to be quite a bit saltier than my online audience is probably used to from me. But the spirit is the same. I'm me, both here and there, whatever the vernacular.

On the blog, I find I have toned down the language some, though my sidebar says to expect PG-13 content. I like what your commenter said about reach being wider than you'd think. After my work started appearing in the supermarket stand, I got a lot more careful with strong language, simply because I didn't want to set up a barrier that some new people would have trouble getting past. At the same time, I think an occasional f-bomb is a useful filter. If someone can't handle the way I speak, they probably can't handle the way I think. C'est ca.

I'm about to do a big redesign -- actually an eponymous dot.com -- that will serve as a way of binding all these facets of persona together. A virtual quilt backing, if you will. Notes will be nested into it. Book readers can come to kyranpittman.com and decide from there whether or not the blog is their cuppa.

Speaking of which, do you think my editor will accept this over long comment toward my word count? Back at it. Mi hotpot es su hotpot. xoxoxo

I KNOW my almost 12 year old son (who is bigger than me and much, much more tech savvy) drops his very own mother-learned f-bombs on occasion, much to my displeasure and purposely in my absence, but hey, what can I do? It rolls off the tongue (and the fingers) so nicely. And lesbianism? god (little "g") forbid! The Family Channel has pregnant teens (fictional--Nickelodeon's: not-so-much) and MTV has naked, flying gay men almost performing fellatio on their awards shows. You, my dear, are so TAME in comparison. Now, if you discussed adult baptisms and Tony Danza here on a regular basis, I'd have to lock you up with my Family Safety button. :)

OH and I meant to add something totally random your post reminded me of, that cracked me up the other day.

You know how there are those famous songs that have lyrics people get wrong in a funny way (like, Excuse Me, While I Kiss This Guy, by Jimi Hendrix)?

"Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer" was mistaken for "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza."

hahahahahaha...

Oh, and on another note...my son reads books about the Holocaust. Dildos and liquor lunches, well, you know, pales in comparison to say the least.
I wouldn't censor ANYthing.
I'm saying a big, fat NO!

I am one of those people who, if I find a book or author I like, go poking around the internet to flesh out a real picture of the writer. I would love to stumble upon this blog and no doubt bookmark it as I've already done.

You won't be able to make this space something different than it already is. It's you, and that's that. I frankly don't think a younger reader would stick around long enough to form an opinion or be affected on way or the other. Short attention spans, that sort of thing. I love your writing in this venue and I do hope that your newly public persona won't cause you to change in any way the content you create here. This is one of my new favorite columns and in my best 'high school yearbook' note, I say: "don't ever change!"

I think you need to ask yourself what the mothers of your readers would think about the topics you discuss on your blog. And don't assume they are all 12 and older; I was reading young adult literature when I was in grade 4 (and found the Judy Blume story lines mighty confusing yet titillating at that tender age, I might add). Would kids that age find your site? Based on my experience, if your book is popular and a mom looks you up, finds your site and disallows her daughter from reading it and her daughter tells all her friends about it then you will get a lot of attention from curious pre-teens and teens.

Kate, I don't have children, so I can't speak to that issue. I do know that if you had to change your online persona, I would sorely miss the old you. But I suspect that I'd also love the new you.

it's like anything else. It's relative. Personally, I wouldn't care, and that's assuming I chased down info about you, since I prefer my authors dark, mysterious, and by turns, lesbian and danzaish. There's more than one you-that's just the way it is. I can't imagine this place, this voice, would have an impact negatively, on the other maggoty, piratey place.

Besides, it gives me a chance to say MAGGOT again. :)

I've been sorta writing a post for a few months (it's just not coming out right) based on a search "is online identify a real identity"-I think it's a valid point to make and speak to, if we believe the online selves to be as real, or maybe more real, than the person who wipes butts and does the laundry. But it doesn't make either one less valid.

Worry pas ta brain.

I think this blog would probably make me want to buy your book for my kids, but I am probably not your main demographic, and I personally get off on the way the word fuck rolls off my tongue.

I don't think I have a blog persona. Do I? What you read is sort of what you get....although, I'm less melodramatic than my badly written emo posts would lead my readers to believe. And, I think I have a much better sense of humor in real life then on the blog page.

I, for one, have never googled to see if Dr. Seuss had a fetish for sniffing used thongs, or for licking big toes or anything. WTF do I care what their lives are like if they can spin a good yarn. I figure anyone who is gonna buy a kick-ass book with guys with maggots coming out of their heads (double high five on that one) is probably a pretty chill mom who won't care if you sip cocktails at noon and whorship at the altar of high fashion denim while writing posts about hot bush.

Would I by a juvenile book from you for my hypothetical children? Yes. Absolutely. And not least because this blog shows how talented a writer you are.

Having said that, from what I know of author fan (or other) mail, you may want to prepare yourself. The bigger the audience for your book, the more people will look for you online (kids and parents) and some of them will be crazy and/or controlling and/or conservatively rigid, and you'll probably get some complaints mixed in with the praise.

On the other hand, I'm thinking some of the parents will find your blog and read it and laugh and cry and enjoy it no end, and some of the kids will idolize and adore you for the strategic f-bombing, hot-pottery, and harlotry.

hmm. you'll probably want a different site for your young adult stuff, no? and if they want to peruse that one, they will. or this one, they will. something for everyone that way.

1 - I don't think this site should be censored or changed in any way. It's you, plain and simple. And I think alot of people come here to read about you, f-bombs and all.

2 - BUT it IS possible that the site could increase the amount of mail (good or bad) from parents of potential YA readers. Think about it though, you could have the most innocuous of blogs...and there will ALWAYS be haters...wouldn't you prefer to stay true and deal with the haters if/when the come.

3 - I do think that having a seperate "author site" is a good idea and at some point you might choose to put a disclaimer on sweet/salty indicating that this IS in fact your blog and not your author site. But I think you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

My three cents!

And I would ditto what Her Bad Mother said about the selves constantly cannibalizing one another....all the time....in too many ways. Yet I somehow still choose to blog...silly girl!

What SM said: I would have a separate site for the book, with a look and tone that matches.

I don't think you need to sensor yourself here or set up a log-in to keep kids out. Keep in mind that many of your regular readers are going to buy and proclaim the awesomeness of your book to others because they got to know your writing here. But when I think of my older kids' reading habits (aged almost 8 and 10) I realize that they do like to visit the websites marketed at the end of the chapter books that they read. And I think they expect content related to the storyline or genre. They might search and find you here on sweet/salty but the sophistication level would be over their heads and at the end of the day, they are going to be looking for pirate content. So they wouldn't be regular readers of this site, but I am, so please don't change. Please?

I would trust my child with anything you write, Kate. In fact, we'd read you together, and we'd laugh, and we'd ask each other questions and discuss. Life is juicy, messy, crude, lude, and beautiful... all together. I don't think we can shelter our children from life. But we can be there with them to explore it together. Maybe idealistic, but mine is only five and three quarters. Let's see how I feel when she's 11...

Kate: You are a writer to the core. I'd only wish you'd had a blog when I was in college. Those days: you and I would have been in the secret sister society, or whatever. I love your voice; is it entirely appropriate for 10 year olds? No. How should you reconcile that? I'm not sure if you should. That's the difference of this time and place in society. There's so much more out there for all to see, even (especially) the young. It's a tough consideration, yet when you write, you share your voice, and it has to remain so to be true to yourself. I think of the writing you did those months after you lost Liam, and it was some of the best descriptive writing I've ever written. That side of you writing, those months of it, should never be censored or lost; I bet some of that is reflected in your book. I think your recent posts, especially that concerning your publishing efforts, have been lighter but harder in tone, a little more pungent, if you will, but funny as hell and witty. You have a strong voice, with facets and highlights, and it will only be you who can decide what to share with the wide world once you go 'live.' As for me, I have censored myself right and left whilst blogging. I don't like all of it because I'd say my blog is only 50% of my voice. (If you knew me in real life, you'd find my sense of humor alongside yours). But I only committed to giving of myself 50% when I decided to do this. Interesting to think of this issue...

Hi Kate,

I'm currently trying to get a YA manuscript published too (have agent, am editing) and have wondered about this stuff myself.
There does seem to be (at least in the US) some totally bizarre expectations placed on YA authors. Have you heard of the random house morality clause? see here http://www.boingboing.net/2008/08/21/random-house-asks-yo.html

And, as Janet said, your YA readers would have to be very advanced/unusual to be interested in reading this blog - and if they were reading it purely for adult content - well- ahem - racy as you are :) - there's much 'better' stuff out there!

Anyway - what does your editor/publisher say?

A really good YA author blog to read is Justine Larbalestier's - she is an Aussie living in New York - and there's heaps of information there about the world of YA.

Can't wait for your book. Is it being published in Australia?

girrrrrrrrrrrl, I have stalked you from HEAD to TOE and believe me, there is nothing out there that any young sweet punk is gonna find that is gonna knock you down a peg or 20, there just isn't. You are delectable, purely delectable, and the kind of young girl who can't get an intense enough fix at the local library and seeks you out here, online? Will NOT. be. disappointed.

You are as remarkable online as you seem to be off. You have done everything right.

I love you so.

xo

Jen was the second to comment because the fates have a sense of humour, and they had to have a member of the Loves-Tony-Danza-As-Well-As-Adult-Baptism-Club be up nice and high. Smiling. Which requires me to nod sheepishly to any Tony Danza-ites and also to the recently dunked. And those who like a good dunking. The only reason I noted a concern with such folk is that people who are religious might expect anything or anyone new to them to adhere to the same values (and conversation topics) as they do. That wasn’t a fair assumption, and I whole-heartedly concede except in all matters pertaining to Tony Danza.

I’m glad to hear there are so many 12 and 13-year-olds who already drop f-bombs. EXCELLENT. Although I should say for the record there are no f-bombs in the book. They wouldn’t even let me say ‘knockers’. I tried.

Julie whose kids read Dean Koontz and Stephen King: Oh my god your sons sound very cool, and oh my god I am terrified of them. Hardly anyone has read it – really just the publisher and my mom and a few other people I’ve bribed, including Justin – no kids, yet. My book is already breaking out in a nerve-related rash at the thought of it.

Tash, you wanna to take this outside? “You don’t even register on the scale of surprising badness”? Oh yeah? OH YEAH?

(remembers confessing I have never tasted coffee etc.) Um. Never mind.

Kyran, that’s something I might need to consider, to put a ‘beware potential f-bombs’ note on the sidebar, just so that new readers understand what this is. Good luck on the site redesign… cool idea. I’m going to do something similar, although yours sounds more ambitious. I’m just trying to figure out how to make the book site scratch-‘n’sniff.

Yay to all the NOs! And to being held closer by Tony Danza.

Elise, you’re clever. I’m going to start writing about wet-t-shirt contests and pop stars as a way of attracting more rebellious tweens. And the publisher wants a marketing meeting to figure all this out. HAH! Done.

Conversemomma, all I mean by the word “persona” is the constance of my voice, or your voice. It’s pretty much the same concept as a person as a brand, but bear with me. This isn’t to suggest that anything I write is contrived or inauthentic. It just means that I have certain intentions with this blog, and goals and hopes that spring from that. And they’re important to me, and so I do my best to follow them. There’s a consistency to what I do here, as there is with your awesome wee corner of the internet. You have a very strong and individual presence whether you intend to or not. And that’s your ‘brand’, even though I know I just made you shudder unpleasantly. My point is that it’s not a bad word. It’s about a sticking-to-your-principles, and that’s not any kind of judgement or elitism. It’s just the same thing as being conscious about what you wear—the unique reasons you like one dress and not another—beyond requiring fabric on your body.

Oh, and you totally said hot bush. Not me. But it cracked me up and made me like you even more.

Slouching mom, wn and Janet, yep. Going to do this. Just decided today. Soon as I get the scratch-‘n-sniff book site done.

And we have no NOs! more yay.

Gal, thank you for calling me lewd. Well, loosely. You called ‘life’ lewd but I can read between the lines. God I adore you.

Jo, that’s so kind. Pungent! That’s almost ‘lewd’. Cool.

Rebecca, that was kind of a shocking article. My god. Something run rampant when a publisher has morality clauses. Makes me glad I’m so boring in actuality. Seriously. I still vehemently disagree with the existence of such a clause, despite how unlikely it is I’d be caught stoned and violating all manner of squirrels.

I will visit Justine Larbalestier's blog, thanks. And congrats/good luck on your manuscript, that’s fantastic. As for the book being available in Australia, it will be online for everyone as far as I know. Not on phsyical shelves, at least not initially. Just online until I sell one million billion trillion copies (+/-) and international marketeers come knocking with a private helicopter bound for New York City.

Maggie, you’re sweet. I’m going to slosh beer all over you and change your mind just a teeny smidge.

Thanks all, this is so very cool and fascinating to think about. I am daunted to the point of complete terror of your reading children. That is all. Good night.

dude... i am a preschool teacher. i stepped outside my webby bubble last january and the collision of worlds rocked me. suddenly i felt eyes on me. probing, they were telling me they were googling me. they were telling me! way to fuck up my head. what did i say? what did they read? how far back did they go?

if nothing else it's a fun mind fuck.

be who you are. it's the only way to be. i know you know this, because i see it. but it's still a mind fuck to think about yourself out there. personally, i'd prefer it done online behind curtains, than in person at 7:30 am when i sing song good morning to you!

most days i am a split personality.
i think you'll find it hilarious.

Just googled you, just for fun, and found this on twitter: "Nothing's better than a hardcore willy. Except one with hardcore peanut butter on it. Now you're making me want to be drunk." two thoughts: 1) I think I love you. 2) Write under a pseudonym. ...ok just kidding. But w/ regards to the blog, I think you should not mention it in connection with the YA book. Set up a YA-themed blog and use that for the book... if kids google you then it's their parents' problem.

I say this not because I would be shocked!! at the thought of my (hypothetical) kids' authors having lives, and sex, and hot pots, but more as the product of an overly protective and hyper-reactive mom who would have been shocked!! at exactly the above thought. or at least would have cut off my fingers at the first sign of a google search for "literary lesbianism", if google had been around back when I was reading YA.

also good point above about younger kids "aging up" ... I was one of those kids and was not allowed to read stuff like sweet valley high, judy blume, etc etc. so keep in mind you might have readers down to the age of like 4 or 5. if they are super nerds like i was.

all that said, as an adult and not a mom and not a YA reader, I wholeheartedly embrace every inch of your harlotry, overpriced denim fetish and all. yay for ridiculous jeans :)

Kate, another edit to my love letter to you....I think it is wicked cool that you try to actually comment on the comments....seriously, it is all kinds of rad!

Have a good day chasing your two pirates-in-training!

I haven't had a chance to read all the comments, so I'm just going to jump in blindly.

I do have a a somewhat unpleasant story about blogging and books. I know what we do aren't very close, but I feel like I should share it anyway.

My book of poetry was published about two years ago when I was still writing my family-blog quite regularly (now, it's pretty much stopped). Poetry books don't get much attention in the world, so when my publisher sent me a modest stack (ahem, three) of reviews I was excited and scared. One of the reviews, the one in the most prominent of venues, was not a review of my book as much as a review of my life. The reviewer googled me, found my family blog (and *not* the writing one I had started for such reason) and wrote about my life. He found my life to be happy and normal, seemed to like it while being meh on the poetry.

I guess I'm sharing this story because my worry for you would be that some stupid reviewer would find this site and decide to write about your history (and of course he would focus on Liam and Ben) and try to you book in that context instead of just doing his job and writing about the book.

I'm not sure if there is anything to do or worth doing about this. I'm curious to what your publisher feels about it all--both in terms of your audience and the reviewers.

Are you going to have a book-blog, too? Lord knows you contribute to plenty now--I know I'd hate to add another one to the mix.

Write what you want. the crazies will find something to hate about you no matter what you do, so just be you. And I don't consider your writing vulgar. I consider it awesome and hilarious.

Kate,
Now that you use the term "Danzite" I'm backing out of that one! :) I must not be a loyal fan... and for the record, you made a pretty appropriate assumption. "Dunkers" could take issue with some of your post (my hubby probably would frown at the term "literary lesbian") but alas who gives a flip (that's what dunkers say instead of the f-bomb, not near as cool). Still, dunkers use all kinds of words but never in church, never for arts sake and they don't readily admit it. "Sprinklers" on the other hand are much more liberal about most everything. I used to be one myself... (sigh)... and yes I am poking fun of religion not the BIG GUY (for any sticklers)! Please know I was NEVER offended :) and no knockers? are you kidding?!

Jack Gantos sells plenty of YA books, kids books, too. And he's been in prison! Plus plenty of other questionable things, plenty of swearing, and we had him as our Children's Author Lecture speaker not too many years ago here in Portland. He was awesome, not a complaint to be had. The actual lesbians writing YA books don't seem to be having too much trouble. Not as many people care as you think. Lots of parents like their kids to know that authors are real people, so they can imagine themselves being one of them someday if they like. If you are the parent of someone reading YA novels, your kids are going to run into some very racy stuff right in the books themselves these days--no need to dig through authors' blogs for juicy tidbits! Nope, don't think it's going to be a big issue.

hmmm, i was just going to comment on the line that made coffee spurt forth from my nostrils, "b) enjoy Tony Danza and adult baptisms" - wow - how i wish that my brain formed thoughts into words and spilled them forth like you, ms. kate. brilliance. honestly - you bring up the best kind of jealousy in me :)

but i would also like to chime in about the mothers of children who read books like yours...i have a child who is big now (14) and read all sorts of books to/with him as he has grown. my very favorites came from people with whom i would have LOVED to have known that i could share the pot and drop f-bombs with. truly. and remember the old adage - "if they can't hang, that's their deal"...pretty please.

as far as my many personas...my favorite me shows up most often at my blog - it is all authentic me for certain - yet less of my uglies are there than should be perhaps. but there are some days when i am in it deep - bad dark deep - and i go back through the blog a bit and when i witness what i have built over the years i feel better. does that make sense? i can see the lighter me and i can get back to her more quickly.

as always, thank you for another post that hit the spot, my dear.

Ok, maybe my brain is scrambled eggs. But what does "share the pot" mean??

I know, I'm hopeless. I just keep rereading and I'm most interested in the line "cause that's how I roll"..... Is this about tea-drinking or sex with chicks? Ha! (Seriously).

This is a random thought which has nothing to do with your post, but perhaps is worth considering in general.

Is it less of a loss to mourn an unborn or miscarried pregnancy? Why is it that when families put so much in to becoming pregnant for the first, second, or third time and fail time & time again that people expect you to put it behind you and move on somehow- easier than the death of a child?

While the two things are quite obviously very different losses, my personal experience after having our second miscarriage in 8 months (this one a 'fetal demise', as opposed to the first 'blighted ovum') sucks donkey. We had the early tests that showed everything was ok. Our hopes and dreams and joy were tied up in the good news. Shortly after the 7 week ultra sound something must have gone wrong. Our excitement at the time of finding a small bean that had a heartbeat meant we could start looking forward.

That contrasts very harshly with the news of fetal demise we got this week, and the ensuing procedure to evacuate the mass that was left is no easier.

Anyway, considering this blog originally became a flower (so to speak) and grew to a large following through the trials of the stressful nature of the twins' world, something tells me many who read this would have experienced our kind of loss as well, as they ventured into the world of trying to make a new life in the world.

I really am not sure what the heck my point is. Just a little lost today.

dear Big Bro...just wanted to say i'm sorry.

sadly, the "you should put it behind you and move on" of Other People's Expectations can be pretty common across the spectrum of loss, whether in early pregnancy, late pregnancy, infancy...sometimes even after. when the children have been old enough for people to know them as themselves, as personalities that they can engage in memorializing, grief gets a little more legitimized...but mostly our society engages in this great anxiety over whether people are grieving properly and doesn't seem to make much room for genuine feelings.

whether it's less of a loss...my own personal answer would be it's a pointless question. i've been through both, and both are losses...of futures hoped for, of dreams invested in. xo to you and yours.

Hey, big bro, I left you a message. Bon said it so beautifully. You can be a little lost. A lot lost. I don't think anyone expects anything of you or her. The whole 'get back on the horse' thing is borne of people loving you both, and wanting you to Be Yourselves Again. It's unfair but that's the burden of having an adoring audience. And it *is* a burden sometimes, when it comes to grieving.

Just know that you're not getting any expectations pressed upon you from the love in this direction. None at all. Stringless love. We're thinking of you.

I have this thing about truth: I really prefer it in my writers. See, if you claimed to be one thing as a ya author, perhaps a straight-laced religious girl with just a love of tight jeans, I'd tend to accept you for what you are. If then, the "TRUTH" came out and you were something else, perhaps a kinky, slightly agnostic, slightly pissed at god for taking your son who fully revels in who you are, I'd maybe see that as a judgment on the later persona. And I'd feel lied to (duh).

I adore who YOU are and don't think there's anything there to apologize for or cover up. If people don't get it, then fuck 'em. I'll buy your book. And then I'll find a way to your neck of the woods and demand you sign it. I'll also take a cup of tea if you're brewing. Or a beer, your call.