the next gestation
It was even more vivid than last time: the very day Ben stopped breastfeeding, some kind of hormonal veil lifted and I went from raving straightjacketed maniac to unshakable stepford wife.
The other night I said to Justin “You know what?” and he said “What?” and I said “I think I might be myself again. I think I might be back to normal.” and he said “Normal? What, you mean THIS wasn’t normal?” (sits upright in chair clutching imaginary safety bar)
“Tck-tck-tck-tck-tck-tck-tck-tck isn’t this lovely! tck-tck-tck-tck look at the view from up here! tck-tck-tck wait, what’s going on? tck-tck-tck what’s that peak up ahead? tck-tck-tck-aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! UUUUUGHHH I NEED NEW PANTS WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEE!!! tck-tck-tck-tck-tck-tck oh phewph, thank god that’s over… WAAHGGGHHHUPSIDEDOWNAAAARRGGGHH!!”
I guess that means he’s relieved.
+++++
The end of breastfeeding marks the end of gestation, the sideways promotion of what I’d affectionately call a parasitic love. And yet another goodbye to the boy we left behind, the last of Liam's mark on me.
Summoning him can be like arriving at a summer home already warm with company. As soon as I walk up the driveway he yells she’s here! and runs to me through the scents of woodsmoke and cinnamon and mystic. He might embrace me eye-to-eye, gruff and scratchy and with his own stories and adventure. Or he might crawl to me with a dirty bum, grasp the hem of my jeans with sticky fists grinning broadly to say up! then wrap koala arms around my neck. No matter what his form he meets my eye so deliberately, as Ben does, and says in his own way hello again mama, I missed you, and look, look at all this.
Or I arrive to see grass grown to hay, windows boarded up for winter, mothballs and plastic sheets. I try the door just in case, call through the porch hello? are you here? and get no answer. It is not abandonment, just vacancy.
That’s how it is now. He is not with me. I don’t know where he is. Maybe his next, a place or calling that might give him the chance to run to me again in some way, just now and then, I hope.
+++++
1979. At the top of the paper, saved all these years by my parents:
WHAT I WILL BE WHEN I GROW UP.
First up, and most important, when you are six: to be A TEENAGER. With CURLY HAIR. And mascara, and lipstick (a.k.a. FAST AND EASY).
Next, I would be a roller derby star. Of course. DUH. Apparently an Amish one.
In addition to all of the above, my life’s ambition? To be TANNED. sigh.
The last and final option was the only one in which it was acceptable to have straight hair. And I don’t even know how to say this, in case the publisher falls down a well and emerges with amnesia—but I'm told it’s going to happen, although it’s not what you might think. It’s an adventure novel for kids, and in about 18 months, it will be born.
(What you might think might happen too, if I can pull it together. We’ll see.)
!!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008 in from three to two, more than mama, the next gestation
Reader Comments (74)
I will run to by it the moment it is available -- how exciting! Congratulations!
wow, what wonderful news! i can't count how many times commenters here have asked you when you would publish a book; your writing speaks for itself. in other words, it's simply marvelous.
congratulations.
seriously - that is amazing news! oh i cannot wait to buy and read - i don't care who the audience is....i also cannot wait to say that i was a huge fan BEFORE kate inglis was famous.
:)
congrats my friend.
Awesome news,Kate. Are you taking preorders? Please accept mine!
congratulations! how wonderful, i love your words, your imagery and man, those drawings are awesome! the amish roller derby girl?! you are hilarious.
as usual i find myself not knowing what to say. the rollercoaster ride, the rite of passage, the summer home. it's all so beautiful, your words are just stunning.
Obviously I meant, I will run to BUY it. . .must learn to reread!
I am BEYOND excitment.
Beyond it I say.
Wow-- congrats!
Do I get an autographed copy? Pretty please?
AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING NEWS!!! Actually, not that amazing.. of COURSE you will be published - you are clearly awesome. Such fanfreakingtastic news, my lovely smart friend!
And, OH LORD, the artwork is such a treasure! I dig the teniger's toupee, the robler skater's transparent hair, and the beach girl's cloven hooves. Omigod, it's so funny and sweetly wonderful.
I'm so thrilled that you are going to be a real, grownup auther. :)
xo
I'm CAMPING OUT at the bookstore for that one. And I'm going to punch people out that are already there so I can get to the front of the line. And I'm going to buy up all the copies they have and read every page of every one of them.
Guess you can tell you're my favorite auther, Kate. Can't wait to read it to my kids.
you have made my day, to know that my children will get to share in the wonder that is your words and writing. but are you really sure you want to be an 'auther' and not a fast loose tanned teenage roller derby bitch? come one. the second option sounds so...complex.
HOORAY!! Congratulations! I'm so very thrilled for you!
If you don't mind saying, who is going to publisher?
Awesome news, on ALL fronts.
I don't know, Kate. I'd really like to see you in a roller derby. Especially if you were to become Amish.
But maybe that's just me.
;)
A real auther! That's fantastic!
And as for the end of breastfeeding, I completely agree. The day I stopped breastfeeding, everything went back to ... normal? Or a version of it anyway.
I'm over here, bouncing and laughing and HAPPY for you!!!! That is so butt kicking awesome.
And vacancy, not abandonment...aye girl, that's just it.
joy, joy, joy...and understanding, at the vacancy.
i know those publishers have, like, paid editors and such, but if you ever want an extra pair of eyes, mine are free for the loaning.
i love that your mom saved those pictures.
now gestate, richly.
Congratulations. I will find someone to buy that book for, and then anxiously await the other that I think might happen. An auther indeed.
You will have to let my 11 year old take it for a test drive!
The end of breastfeeding is a strange strange time. I remember it well.
I remember longing to leave breastfeeding behind. I remember thinking there was no way child #2 would get that long, because I needed my life. No way would I be the boob martyr the second time around.
I guess I was right.
I'm bittersweet at the passing of this milestone for you, Kate. And so excited for the next. And you do know, it is like that -- the ups, downs, thinking it will never happen, and finally letting your creation fly out the door without a seat-belt. I wish you nothing but the best, tell me when I can pre-order on Amazon. Oh, and when you're doing a publicity tour in these parts. I'll be the crazy lady in front.
Okay, First Congrats! on the publishing hopes, this does not surprise anyone I bet :) Second do you really mean I will feel different in 9 more months when my second rascal turns one-ish? Really!!!!! I know this is my second but I kind of forgot that part of everything. My very own hormones!!! YIPEEEEE!!!!!!!!*
*unless I am returned to a hormonal state that reminds me more of my mother, cruella de ville or martha stewart...
Is the beach girl about to be murdered hideously with a battle axe? 'Cause that would be deliciously macabre.
Congratulations on the publishing contract. Once the book comes out you MUST let me know b/c my collection buys all At Can children's books. There: your first sale.
Wow, congratulations! That's fantastic.
Oh, how exciting! And I'm holding out for the "what we think might happen" too. Best, best wishes.
That is SO awesome! Congratulations!!
I was surprisingly ambivalent when we finally weaned, probably because it was so easy that it seemed like neither of us really noticed. Glad you're feeling better.
Congratulations, Kate! I can't wait to see/read it.
!!!!!!!!!
What splendid news, Kate! My 3 girls and I can't wait to read it...
Congratulations!
xo CGF
Congratulations Kate! I'm so happy for you.
Congrats, Kate! I'm so thrilled for you!! Can't wait to buy your book. :)
OMG Kate - you, finally, published. how awesome - i sure so hope it happens for you, as whatever the genre, your words should be made into history. this could just be your start, and perhaps what we may 'think,' might one day also come to fruition, whatever that may be. so glad you are feeling a sense of normal again, whatever that may be, too. xo
You are already a great author; I don't comment very often but your writing is truly incredible - and I can't think of anyone more worthy of being published. Huge congratulations.
And it's been 2 months since I stopped breastfeeding boy number 2, feels like forever already, but it is really nice to have the body back to myself!
What a wonderful post. I'm glad you're back and "normal" again. I miss the breastfeeding...the end of an era. Sometimes I wonder if being 10 years old is too old to start again (I kid, I kid).
I had to read the last part three times before I could believe it. Adventure for kids!! My son's dream...I'm begging for an advance copy!!!!
Best of luck to you...I know it will be wonderful. And you will autograph copies??
i am so freakin' excited for your book (s).
congrats, kate.
For some reason I remember you yeeears ago in a passing conversation, briefly mentioning yourself as a little girl in pigtails and roller skates. That image sticks out in my mind whenever I think of you! I think it must have had to do with the way you said it. You have a magical storytelling ability and I'm so happy your going to be sharing that with the world. Congrats & I can't wait to read more.
Congrats! Love the pictures!
That's great news! Congratulations! I'll be first in line to buy it when it comes out.
Yay! This is such wonderful -- though certainly not unexpected -- news!
Is it, perchance, a children's adventure novel about a tanned, lipsticked, mascara-ed, Amish teen roller derby beach girl? Inquiring minds want to know.
CONGRATULATIONS! You deserve it - I will buy two copies - one for my nieces and one for me!
WOW! I have always wanted a first edition Kate Ingliss original. Please, please keep us updated. (And, perhaps, if I buy the book and pay for postage...and perhaps send a bottle of very nice wine, will you sign a copy to my daughters?)
Congratulations, dear Kate, on all of it, the book, the happier husband, the return to yourself...
PS-Hoping this isn't inappropriate, when does one stop making breast milk? I stopped in March, 2007, and am still producing milk. Is that normal? Am I being punked by my mammary glands?
Congratulations on the publishing news! Keep us posted, please!
hurray!! can't wait to see it (read it)!!!!
Yay! Great news.
Oh I think it is more than fabulous that your parents kept your childhood pieces of art! I keep everything my children draw/paint/sticker. At this rate I'll need a warehouse for it all.
I can't wait to learn more about the book you're writing! Will you illustrate too?
Oh, I will lap it up, whatever it is.
And I love your equal parts amish and tarty vision for yourself at 6. Brilliant.
Yeah Yeah Yeah! Can't wait!
That is FANTASTIC! You so deserve it. I cannot wait to hear more.
That's wonderful news! Congratulations! So happy a publisher has recognized what we know already! Looking forward to the book(s)!
like choose your own adventure!!!!!?????? i loved those so much as a kid.
i am so proud of you, and i have a SLEW of kids in my family who are like amazing PR for good books.
love you so
mb
I'm so excited and happy for you! Thank you for the updates. You deserve every good thing, and you are SUCH an awesome writer - I can't wait to read your book.