varga wife

To stare is to scandalize oneself but to turn away is unthinkable.

She is 1940s anime, every inch of her unapologetic. She is a thrust of grace, cinched and let loose, explosive yet honourable. The swoop of her draws your eye lazily up, then down, then up again, does it not? Look. In the corner of the poster is written a list of my grandfather’s deployments throughout England, from where he took off to bomb Berlin and Dusseldorf and Turin and then sputter back across the channel on fumes in Lancasters shot up like salt shakers.

Perhaps the concussion of bombs is what led that generation to so divinely amplify the female form. Home port to man, a vision of the kind of soft and curvy mischief afforded only by the carefree.

My god, she is fantastic. So very lusciously red.

She leaves me wanting to recant this and say instead never be indifferent to this plumpness, to the honour of being of her, the fox.

Because all of us women have inside us a Varga girl just like this. All of us are the fox. You may be muzzled, or careless, or restrained. You may have once sprayed your scent unwisely. You may feel used up by pups. You may be coarse and ragged where others are silky and round.

Doesn’t matter.

You are still the fox. Not so much for trickery or deception but for shenaniganism—for a keenness to chase and be chased, to pounce and be pounced.

You are still the fox.

+++

There’s a kind of aging that’s more welcome than the woe of fresh droop.

It's that seasoning that releases you from caring quite so intently what others think. Not by way of that I-don’t-give-a-shit-what-anyone-else-thinks offensive stance, but by way of really, truly not minding the possibility of being a flavour that another person spits out.

I stand in front of others now with completely still insides. I look at you and see a mother’s baby and I think thank you, Liam, for your calm.

You didn’t know me before. You can’t know how big this is, except for me telling you.

Death took, blast it. But death also gave me eyes, and stillness.

Thank you, death.

+++

It’s the holidays and I’m not going to write about shopping angst or party-hosting angst or blizzard angst. I give you this splash of festive red with these instructions: contemplate what it is to be (or be with) a woman with a spicy sort of dark, with gravity and history. Grab onto her. Give her a squeeze. See if she yelps.

If you’re like me you spend much of the day barking slow down, pipe down, back up, sit down and for the love of christ, let go of my leg already and you might wonder if your Varga girl has up and left you.

She hasn’t.

She’s in the corner yawning, filing her nails, waiting for you to get restless for red.

Does yours ever find her way out for a stroll? Does she heckle you when you wear your wooly blogging poncho?

Give yourself the gift of reclaiming her. And tell me about it, or wink twice.

Comments

[k]

Temptation is me
http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/KBS-vargas-100-LG.jpg
We growl together, prowl together, smirk together sometimes.

Thank you for this... reminder.

I should let Temptation out more often.

[MereMortal]

rawr, i love this post.
kate, your varga comes out all swanky and brilliantly confidant in your writing and in your photos. in that smirk and the spaces between the commas and periods.
me? i am the goddess diana, no doubt. http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/C-AV_174.jpg
all woodsy, with her animal spirit guide. in this photo, she seems unscathed by her heroic journey, having descended into the depths knowing only her authentic self. there is a graceful wisdom about her.
she is who comes through when i birth my babies...and occasionally when i put on my fishnets and knee high boots.

[molly]

I cry for my Varga girl. I believe she is truly gone, and in her place a flabby middle aged woman with no sex drive and a craving for solitude. Maybe Santa will be kind enough to bring her back to me, but I kinda doubt it.

[Aina]

Happy Solstice! And thanks for the Varga spirits!

[Kara aka MotherHenna at KotaPress]

Oh, Kate, my beloved Unkie had a workshop in the garage and hung up here and there were these kind of pin ups, with notes from war time. I have such fond memories of working with him there. Pounding nails and sawing stuff and just playing make believe. The Varga (is this where they came up with "viagra"?) women always mesmerized me, I wanted to be one of them. There have been moments when I've felt her presence. Fleetingly it seems though. As I'm doing all this heART work in the coming year, maybe part of that will be re-embracing my Varga vibes ... hmmm. She's somewhere here. :)
Lots of good Solstice miracles to you!
k-

[mamie]

all right, girl. or shall i say lady. last night i went to the xmas party sporting a bit of the cleavage...and loving it. it felt good to straighten the hair, push up the girls and sweep on the black make up. the husband did not aim low enough to get a nice shot of the low shirt, but this pic made me feel good when i saw it.
http://flickr.com/photos/16401019@N00/3127771312/
next year though, all red with a bit of the cheek peeking, just like her. she is so hawt.

(wish i had the balls to upload the pic of the husband in the next pic with his hand on the girl, casual as can be. that made me laugh)

[Bethany]

This one is me: http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/C-AV_157.jpg. One part sexy, one part shy, straddling the line between seduction and solitude. Mmmmmm. (Plus, how can you go wrong with red hair and curves? She's my clone, this one.)

[Bethany]

(Um, you'll have to delete the period in the hyperlink above. Sorry.)

[thordora]

Oh mine's there....I just think she's wasted right now, and she's trying to decide what she wants to do.

She yelps, and tells me to hurry up and decide.

merry Merry darlin. :)

[tash]

I was drawn to an ad on the side bar, with a pinup girl in a martini glass. That would be me. Except I think I'm face down with my oversized-sweatpants-encased legs hanging over the side of the glass.

Interesting you should bring this up now: A neighbor of mine told me that her husband walked into our holiday party on Friday night, saw me, and said to her, "Tash really looks pretty tonight." And she responded, "You know, all the moms in the 'hood look pretty if you just give us 20 minutes to shower and put on a nice dress and some makeup." A-MEN. A shower really does wonders. I bet those pin-up gals took showers. Maybe I can cram one in today.

[kelly]

{wink wink}

Mine and Molly's Varga girls must be hanging out together, giggling at us 'old ladies' while they run around having all of the fun.

She's still in there....somewhere.......

[Lawmommy]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding me that even though I feel like this: "You may feel used up by pups," - there is still the girl I used to be, somewhere deep down inside.

[ie]

Thanks for the reminder! I needed a red-heeled kick in the caboose.

My inner Varga is spikin' to get out...I just might let her.

[Maegan]

Aaahh, I love this post! I'm curretly 7 months pregnant with my third baby and I feel like my Varga girl is burried in the closet with all the other clothes that don't fit me. Thanks for reminding me that she's still there and that it's all about the feeling and the attitude!

[Andrea]

http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/C-AV_175.jpg

This one is me... she likes to play. Thanks for the post to remind me of the grawr while my inlaws visit for 7 days... hopefully she comes out to play on the 27th? She'll peek until then. :)

[Hannah]

There aren't words to tell you how much this post struck me... suffice it to say I yelled "yes, that's IT!" and did a little dance on my crusty needing-to-be-washed floor in my silly reindeer socks.

My girl is waiting... patiently... she's got a martini and a cigarette in a long holder, and I'm hoping she'll still be there when the mommying doesn't need to be so constant and continual.

Merry xmas to you and your boys.

[Allison]

I saw her today when I looked in the mirror. I was on my way to the supermarket and ready to throw on sweats. Instead, I threw on my nice new black leggings and a shirt that should be about an inch or two longer to cover a certain area. I have a 10 month old and things aren't necessarily "back to normal" but I said to hell with it. I rocked out with my leggings, lipstick and hair flowing in the New Jersey breeze...with my 3 year-old by my side at the A&P supermarket.

[Erica]

Thank you for this post - it's been so easy to lose this part of myself during these months of red eyes, and sometimes to even acknowledge the existence of an inner Varga girl seems like tempting fate. To be that alive, to take pleasure in myself - how can I dare? On the other hand, eventually, how can I not? Some days she wants to come out and go dancing, and I need to stop feeling guilty about it and, well, dance.

Hoping you and your Varga girl have some fun this holiday season,

[summer]

http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/varg04.jpg

weird it's like someone came into my bedroom and sketched me while I wasn't looking
;) ;)

beautiful post.

[beyond]

after reading your posts, i always take a deep breathe and pause so i can hold onto the disturbing beauty of your words a bit longer. happy holiday to you and your loved ones, kate.

[amber]

thank you so much for your post. it it so right on the money. i think we all truely wrinkle up and dry out without our Varga girl coming out to remind us that she is always a part of who we are...and she is always here.....we just need to let those beautiful red dresses and pumps out of our closets....and call on our inner Varga......

[Jane]

I am alone for about 14 minutes per day and on my best days I turn on the ipod and dream of certain smiles, or squeezes or looks or smells. Sometimes from my husband, sometimes others, but it's an important moment to recapture my Varga girl. This helps me see how important...

[Jo]

So funny you write of this, as I just purchased a pair of hot RED shoes from Sundance Catalog, freshly reduced in price from - get this - $130 to $40 bucks. I had them bookmarked in my Favorites for a month, and I'd peek at them adoringly, wishing, in light of the Varga you describe. And when I saw that price last week, man, I had my credit card out so fast. We have a party to go to (adults only, breathe, breathe...) and you can bet what I'll be wearing on me feet's ;). Merrry Christmas to you, dear Kate -

[sarah]

http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/leg08.jpg

a little meat on her bones, a little shy, a little provcative, very mischevious, a lot to tell but a lot that will never be heard, can't look you in the eye for fear you'll see the sad part of her, a sly smile that says "i'm so much more then you could ever know"

[Woman in a Window]

I find mine every two to three weeks. Nuf said? Whoops, then she's lost again beneath my woolly and my slippered feet.

Your words are strong stilts!

[maggie, dammit]

You are so amazing. Thank you for this.

[conversemomma]

wink, wink baby!

Love this, you.

[pnuts mama]

winking up to you, mama- every so often i find my grrl, then it gets lost again to the constant pulling from every direction...been reading but no time to do much of anything but survive, anymore- was thinking a few posts back that you got it, that feeling of not knowing what to do now that the closeness is gone- who am i without them? over and over, the new normal...i get so tired of the new normal sometimes. so proud of you and how far you've come...

merriest of christmases to you and yours, love- may 2009 be your brightest ever- hope of new books, new firsts, new peace...xoxo

[Richard]

Happy Christmas, Kate...

I wish you and your wonderful family the many jobs and blessings of the season!

[Richard]

lol.... there are many jobs in this season... But I meant to wish you the many joys of the season...

[steph]

kate, this post oozes truth within all of us, you're so right.
I can't take credit for the release of my Varga; I have Damon to thank. All wrought up with, yes, the holiday angst, I've been tripping over my blogging poncho for a month now. I sat this morning on the sofa with the crust of Christmas eve on my face. Still, he sighs and hugs and hands me boxes of Italian lingerie; seductive swaths of chenille that my fingers can hardly even feel; a dripping sparkle of necklace in a little blue box. Someone sees her, even if I don't.
Thank you, Damon.
And Merry Christmas, beautiful Kate. You are every bit a babe.
xo
*

[Julia]

You know something? Both me and my sister had our bridesmaids wear red (and, consequently, have each other's bridesmaids dresses). But it's been a while since I've worn red. Methinks it's not a mere coincidence...

[maggie]

absolutely. my husband and i.... we keep the fires burning. i just wrote about that !

[HMFT]

I find her so rarely. I want so desperately for her to be present more often.

But I have forgotten how.

[lisa]

fantastic post! I am so grateful that I ran across it this morning.

[jen]

I painted my toenails, dark purple, but my varga girl is hiding... :(
I liked this one... http://www.thepinupfiles.com/images/C-AV_175.jpg
she doesn't have to put it ALL out there, does things upside down from the others, playful and very aware of the power of playing hard to get. The players find her a challenge and the good boys can't resist!

[crazymumma]

i have always loved me some varga.

[kathryn]

That's it... I'm putting out the APB. I think she may be lost somewhere in Target, wandering the aisles somewhere between the nursing bras and the kraft macaroni and cheese.

Maybe I can catch her before she winds up on the back of a milk carton. I'll let you know.
{wink, wink}

[Father Muskrat]

That makes me want to climb into a bomber and destroy a hostile nation.

[sn0tty]

Happy New Year!

I am embracing my ragged and round self this year; thanks for the reminder. And I might even get a pair of pretty shoes--caution, meet wind.

[julie]

music to the self-loathing woman's soul.

[Jason Dufair]

Yes, thank you death. I would never have had the peace I do now were it not for knowing just how far down the rabbit hole goes.