why I don't necessarily love being a woman
In a blogger-to-blogger interview that never saw the buzzing flourescent lights of the Deep Thoughts Clearinghouse that is teh interwebs, she asked what do you love about being a woman?
I answered I think it would be just as interesting to be a man, to have a dick and muscles and fuzz everywhere
...because asking what do you love about being a woman is not far from asking how did you live through 2007. I don't mind the question, but I'll never have an answer. I know no different, made no choices. When I was born I did not look between my own legs and pull the trigger like SCORE! I HAVE A SUGAR DISH!
By lack of opportunity, perhaps, there’s not much girl-on-girl summer camp love or psychadelic angst or topless bongo-playing in my history. I don’t spell women with a Y. I believe that sainthood and jackasshood are gender-blind. I don’t think that a coin toss that lands one way versus the other can represent the dawn of a higher state.
I dunno, I think it’d be pretty great to have a dick can’t have gone over too well.
My sexless gut tells me there’s nothing inherently sublime about being a woman. Being born XY instead of XX does not render life either festooned with rainbow sprinkles, or unfair and femoralized (yes, I made it up and yes, it is word art).
Some women feel most at home with a 60-pound chainsaw in hand. Some men feel most at home in a mesh thong of hot pink. Women own birth and breastfeeding, neither of which tend to cooperate with ambitions of glory but are nevertheless pretty incredible feats. Point: womynhood. Then again, men get to do The Helicopter with their junk. Two points: schlonghood.
I see the sublime in people for whom gender is irrelevant. In people who stretch out to occupy every corner of their own skin without anything to prove to anyone else. Or perhaps with everything to prove. Doesn’t matter.
It’s the first part that counts.
++++
After some consideration I tempered the dick bit with we owe it to our families and fore-souls to make the best choices we possibly can, and to be good and thoughtful and accountable and kind no matter what form we take
…which was my way of saying sorry for not giving you a manifesto of either a) goddesshood and femme-pride or b) bikini waxing and step aerobics, but after four years of post-secondary education at a womens’ studies university, I’m possibly the least feministy feminist alive.
(note: perhaps I'm just ridiculously fortunate and have never been required to reclaim or re-cherish something I feel has been lost, and if I don't say it, you might, and that would be fair enough.)
How much of your identity tracks back to your gender beyond the obvious visual clues? Can you provide an either profound or witty soundbite for what you love about being a woman (or a man) that would be impossible to swap with the other side, experientially speaking? I'd genuinely love to hear it.
Most important, can anyone who reads this perform The Helicopter with his junk and if so, haz you got video?*
*google translator: read JOKE
Monday, October 20, 2008
Reader Comments (49)
You are Fun-E. Being a woman doesn't hold much favor for me, I loved breastfeeding, actually, I love breast, I think they are awesome! Okay so there, that is all I can claim, I like being the fairer sex with the stuff on top, even after two rounds of breastfeeding, much prettier than the things that may or may not be able to do a "helicopter".
Motherhood's pretty profound in its physicality, but it's equally just fucking hard. I'll have to check back for helicopter videos. ;)
I think it's cool that women tend to be more compassionate and understanding of people's flaws, but then again I think it's cool that men are able to overlook dumb shit that can turn me to an emotional wreck. I envy their obliviousness of it all...
Otherwise, frankly, I never care. Especially now that my monthly "friend" has turned assassin.
And I've ALWAYS wanted a dick so I could pee my name in the snow. ALWAYS.
I wish women didn't have to live curtailed lives due to fear of stronger, aggressive men.
Myself, I'm happy in my skin, despite sags...
I like the woman = greater compassion part sometimes, but I echo Gina's comment about how men get to be oblivious. Lucky dogs.
I always wanted my husband to experience childbirth and sore nipples, just for a few minutes, to see what it's all about and why I'll never, ever forget it.
I'd like to be a man sometimes just to experience the whole fascination with my junk and why it's always being manipulated in some manner 24/7.
But, in the danger of making the entire interwebs eyeroll at the same time, I have to say that what I love about being a woman was the opportunity to be pregnant and give birth. I know that I was very, very lucky (and annoying) in that my pregnancies were easy and I was able to have quick home-births. Feeling my babies move and kick in utero was amazing and something I wish my husband could have felt. Same with birth, but for different reasons. BUT, I hate saying such a thing because I fear that there is an underlying implication that to really be a woman you must experience those things, the things that separate us completely from men. I think that's bullshit. But, I know that some women have actually said that to me. Does that mean to really be a man, one has to have scripted their name with pee in the snow? I don't think so.
"we owe it to our families and fore-souls to make the best choices we possibly can, and to be good and thoughtful and accountable and kind no matter what form we take"
That is my new motto. I'm going to print that out and put it on my daughters' bathroom mirror so they read everyday while brushing their teeth, and hopefully it will tattoo itself onto their gray matter.
PS- LOVE the photos you have up over at Shutter Sisters today. Love them. Is the bird over the guys head photo shopped/real and flying through the restaurant/dangling from the ceiling?
woman, schmuman. i love makeup but rarely do my hair, drink too much beer and used to belch like a linebacker...i am surrounded by junk in a household of 7 men/boys to 2 women (me and my mama) and i prefer it that way. i like boobs (all of them) but do not really like women (the schmuman kind). to directly contradict that i finally at almost 33 have found a few with vaginas (sugar dishes, that one is priceless) that i absolutely love to hang out with (every few weeks).
i don't know, being a woman has never been an issue in my life. i just am. i do not love it or find aspects of it to be terribly engaging...the pregnancy thing was not the greatest, i find the resulting miracles to be more fascinating than the fact i made them (with the help of the husband and his contribution, you know).
now, what i am falling in love with is my thirties. this time in my life is proving be be liberating and settled and fun and fulfilling and good, really good, after a few decades of angst that had less to do with being a woman than just being a human.
and for the record, your take on being a woman... i like it. it fits with how i see you as a person in my mind.
I think ever since my first period, where everyone assumed my appendix had ruptured until I went to the bathroom -- at which point I insisted on hysterectomy right then and there, I've never been fond of my parts. I hate bleeding once and month and feeling like crap while I do. I hate scheduling things around my bleeding. I don't like my boobs, and frankly, I don't like that I even care what my boobs look like or that anyone else does. (My husband can fluctuate in weight about 20 pounds in either direction with no one noticing -- how do they do that?) I don't like paying more for clothes and dry cleaning, I don't like our sizing system, I don't like needing a toilet and paper in order to pee. At one point I probably felt some sense of pride at carrying, delivering, and breastfeeding my daughter, but I now realize all of that -- every last drop -- is one big crap shoot and I'd rather not be the one saddled with the responsibility. I don't need to tell you I'd rather be on the male end of things going through ART.
I'm not a v. good proponent, am I. I'll circle back and see if someone can get me excited again.
i loved being able to carry and birth my babies. i think women's bodies are hotter than men's and i'm glad i have mine. i like makeup and long hair. i enjoy femininity. i enjoy being on the woman side of the man/woman sexual flirt between my husband and i.
you are hilarious! i love 'sugar dish'.
!!!
Also? I like that my junk is on the inside (see 'sweaty ball sack,' above). Now, if someone could just politely remind my prolapsed uterus that it is to stay on the inside, that would be fan-fucking-tastic.
But I digress. I love who I am. I'm happy with me. I was happy that I got to carry my daughter, birth, and nurse her.
But what I'm REALLY happy about & wouldn't trade for peeing standing up, I don't think anybody's mentioned yet. Multiple orgasms! Now, not all women can, but I've never heard of a man who can even come close. Ha. Unintentional pun. And the only time I've ever heard men mention that they'd like to try being a woman, it was during discussions of multitple O's.
My life wouldn't be what it is now if I wasn't female. And maybe I wouldn't smile so much if I didn't get multiple O's :) I certainly wouldn't have married my husband & had my daughter. (I could've had daughters as a man, but not *this* one.)
There are times when I've loved being a woman, most of those centered around pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. There are times when I'd give anything to switch places with my husband (see: hearing children in the middle of the night, or going to a party and get to TALK to eople and drink and smoke cigars instead of chasing said children). But, mostly, I just love my life. Mine. I love the people in it and the experiences that got me to exactly where I am. Some of those experiences sucked and some ruled, but they were, and are, all mine. I guess being a woman had some bearing on those experiences, and that's the only context in which gender makes a difference to me. It just is, you know?
As for witty? I got nuthin'. We already touched on "helicopter," "sweaty ball sac" and "multiple O's" and I think that about covers it...
You guys crack me up.
PN... I've been mulling over your thought all evening. So bell-ringingly true.
But all of that is something that I discovered accidentally. Growing up I never wanted kids and had no idea that I would enjoy feeling another person hanging out inside my junk. I was just really, really glad that my junk was inside.
Am I alone in that? Admittedly, since the c-section I've been too tired to recheck that, and half-scared it will never work again, but before that, 39 was some of the best orgasms I've ever had.
Another thing? I love talking like women do, about how we feel, and about our day, and our lives. We observe the minutiae of the world and scrutinize it very differently. Men don't talk much about feelings, even the ones with friends and brothers, they talk more about the external world, but not the internal, I think.
And I don't think that is just societal pressure, I really do think that male and female brains work differently. And I love love love having a female brain.
As far as full-body orgasms, I've had 'em. Throw your head back and feel it in every cell.
I think the limited emotional palette, less ability to talk about feelings, etc. is learned. I just missed that lesson, I guess. And I'll be keeping my son home from man-school that day too.
I do wish I could experience carrying a baby and nursing. I used to love experiencing those in whatever vicarious way I was able with Anna when my babies were little.
Off to perfect my helicopter technique now...
Now i see that just like sexuality - femininity and masculinity exist on a continuum, and its the flow in between that is so damn beautiful and fascinating to me. Meeting so many people who can accept, honour and celebrate the feminine and masculine within themselves without needing to box or label it...it was a total eye opener to me and allowed me to look inside myself and find a whole bunch of cool stuff I had ignored when I was fitting into that one little box.
j.
PS: I know a lot of people who'd agree with you on that dick thing. :)
i also like the fact that i got to physically experience pregnancy and birth, sucky though i was at it for the most part...it still had its moments of sublime and of connection and breadth that blew me wide open in a good way.
i also like that at this historical juncture, being female affords me leeway to speak things that are less acceptable in a male...but i think that's always in shift and is cultural, not inherent. i'm of the spectrum way of thinking, generally.
second....I have always said having a dick would be WAY more fun
third....I never thought being a girl was super awesome or super sucked. it's just "eh"
fourth....I think guys have it better BECAUSE they can do the "helicopter" or whack that thing to their stomachs, do "dick push ups" etc.... and they don't have to worry about shoving a living being out of their holes
fifth....no fifth, I just didn't want to leave it at 4 because that's bad luck in chinese or somthin.
1. I don't have to deal with the kind of uber-competitive alpha-male relationships that men often have with each other.
2. I am not judged by my career and financial success in the same way that men often are.
3. I don't have to assume a cool "masculine" persona to be liked and respected by others.
4. I can do whatever I want. Stay at home mom, no problem! Corporate CEO, no problem! Organic farmer, sure! Construction worker, okay!
I feel that, at least in our society, being a woman gives me more freedom to be whomever I want to be. Masculine pursuits are respected, as are more traditionally feminine pursuits. I actually fear for my sons's future more than my daughters in a lot of ways.
Gak!
*falls off her chair in laughter and wakes up sleeping husband*
(same husband who often imitates helicopters for fun)
"I like being a woman because I don't have a sweaty ball sack stuck to my leg all the time." especially on long roadtrips.
i remember being 7 and wanting to go shirtless like my brothers in our side yard and my dad saying "no. because you're a girl"
i've got nothing else. i'm an emotional wreck these days but i'd take that any day over being oblivious.
great post. you got me laughing yet again! thanks for that.
Hoping the world will come around and men can do that too, but it's just not happening right now.
I agree with the multiple Orgasms though - just on the off chance that I might one day be so lucky, I say screw sweaty ball sacks stuck to my legs.
According to Shania Twain:
"The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun (fun, fun)
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"
I'd love to have a dick - but probably just for a while as they look too distracting! That "sex on the mind" thing must be frustrating, don't you think? And peeing al fresco is the only thing I've envied about men...
I've noticed a few things I would not like about being a man:
They go bald.
They can't grow or colour their hair.
No dresses or supportive underwear.
I cut and coloured my hair recently and my husband was all like "Wow, women are such chameleons, that's a totally different look! I wish I could do that." He could of course, but then I wouldn't want to be married to him!
My bloke doesn't do the helicopter, but I've seen a number in my time. Not sure that I miss it!
I would immensely miss my breasts if I were a man. And I'm afraid I'd be all out of sorts with the stuffing of IT into my drawers.
you had me at Sugar Dish.
love you