Goodnight Wesley, sleep tight...
…I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
The chosen course of action in flickrgate: deferral. It's Ben's five month (a.k.a. two month) birthday today, after all — and I can't quit photo sharing pre-portrait. And Evan's hair is getting scruffy again. And then there's Halloween.
All I'd hoped for from you was a chorus of familiar confusion because I know, as you do, that there aren't any easy answers. Aside from taking the usual precautions we have safety in numbers, in sheer volume, in each individual one of us being needles in the biggest haystack the world has ever seen.
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I'm so humbled, so proud to have readers like you. You teach me with your eloquence and thoughtfulness and wit, and the grace of interaction you have with each other. I absorb every single comment, see who you are, feel thankful and honoured for every one of you.
On a recent post (update: two recent posts) my troll-free stretch was broken. This space was a factory proud of its safety record, with the gate sign to prove it: 255 NUMBNUT-FREE POSTS SINCE 2004 AND COUNTING.
We all sit together laughing and crying and sharing and listening, sometimes drinking piping hot tea, sometimes something stronger, in front of a crackling fire by the sea. Then some pitifully transparent, frustrated soul kicks in the front door and insults you, and then me, in my space, my house, on the same pages that capture the memory of my son.
I don't mind debate. I've been so invigorated by it here, and you've often made me change my mind or point of view. But I haven't got the patience for me or anyone else to be verbally abused, drive-by-style, by those who can only express disagreement — lacking coherent, sensible words — with nastiness.
Here's the policy. If anyone like that shows up here again, we respond with deafening silence. We are an unpokeable bear. Nothing they say would ever upset me, so don't let it upset you. The only required response is chirping crickets and tumbleweeds and a lone voice whispering, Did you guys hear something? I thought I heard a squeak, but I don't speak numbnut so I can't tell for sure.
And we carry on, and they slink away in search of more infestable shores.
Can whoever goes out past the shed next grab some kindling, and bring in another plate of whoopie pies from the kitchen? I need me some cream cheese icing, twinskin schminskin, and I don't think I'm the only one.
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I can't seem to string together two coherent thoughts for Ben on his fifth month. I'm shaken, as I always am on the eve of the day they were born, feeling like I've been wearing my skin inside out all day long.
Justin's 95-year-old great aunt gave us an antique mirror and I stood with Ben inside of it, pulling faces. Then in the shaded murk of the old glass I was holding Liam, darker than his brother.
Sometimes I want to be haunted, and sometimes not.
sweetsalty kate
55 Comments
Reader Comments (55)
especially if they can't share what they think without being insulting, hyperbolous (is that a word?!), overly general, & using profanity.
come on, people.
Hugs to you and your loved ones - and happy birthday sweet ben!
*semi-evil little snicker*
And blessings to Ben for spending five months with you all. Kisses on his soft, downy, sniffable head.
I've never had to do it before. But it was earned, so it's done. You just gave me a needed nudge.
Though I'm drinking something stronger than tea tonight, and though my natural inclination is to poke out the eyes of those who dare a drive-by sniping - here of all places! - I will refrain.
Just the sound of crickets.
I concur, delete and ignore. It isn't censoring conversation, it's removing the unnecessary.
Say no to trolls. :)
selfishly, i'm glad to note that your flickr stream is still open because i absolutely love your shots and being able to see what gorgeous darlings your children are.
with regards to the trolls, on one hand i totally understand your hesitation in deleting the offending comment, but when someone crosses that line - and often times, i'm not entirely sure where the line is 'til it's been crossed - i won't hesitate to remove what they said.
and on a completely unrelated note, back when i first found your blog, i remember reading all of your archives - bliss, really, like eating the absolute most delicious chocolate truffle and having the dust puff into your mouth, then feeling the chocolate slowly melt into your tongue and feel, smell and taste all the different textures and flavours at once, your writing is amazing - anyway, back to my original thought, i remember reading about your love affair with Vancouver and couldn't help but think of you and finally understand what you were talking of when i was there two weeks ago. it's an amazing city and i fell in love with it almost instantly. i hope you and your family have many happy returns. :)
we are grateful for the reprieve, because that baby face grows more beautiful - and more delicate and old soul - every time we get to peer at it.
haunted in the mirror...you know, just for a moment, i envy that a little. and then, understanding well that desire NOT to be haunted, too, i fill with pity and think "how hard, how doubly heartbreaking." both are true, i think. and the telling of it beautiful.
unpokeably yours.
most beautiful shot of Evan reading by the light of Liam. breathtaking
and i say delete, delete.
Had to say it.
Delete that shit, without a doubt. It is unnecessary banter. Your tactic is correct. Ignore. The excitement and drive for people like this is the volatile reactions they receive.
I often wonder about said people. What made them this way? Lack of love, affection? Chemical imbalance? Then, I feel supremely fortunate for my life, my family.
Love to you and your family!
Happy 5 month birthday to your Ben. Wishing all of you a good Thanksgiving holiday.
I've gone to Flickr and removed all my tags from my photos (to hinder editors at unscrupulous sites) and again made all my kids photos for friends and family only. When I have time I intend to make the occasional photo that doesn't show a face public. Otherwise, tell me you want to see them. Kind of like not letting strangers touch them in the grocery store.
Also, for the people who use their blogs as a way to communicate with distant family so want to leave everything public: I have a blog and then we have a private Yahoo group. I freely allow kids' photos in the Yahoo group for the grandparents to see and we discuss all sorts of medical things that I think my son may someday be glad that I didn't share with the public. On the blog I use aliases and don't discuss the medical stuff except in the most general of terms. The grandparents are happy and I feel that my kids are safe.
Mostly. If there was only some way to sniff out these people in real life! Like a carbon monoxide detector that we could clip to our kids' clothing that would alert us when some undesirable person was near them.
Kate, I've had you on my mind a lot lately. A friend's daughter-in-law is 18 weeks pregnant with twins suffering from twin to twin transfusion syndrome. They're scared as hell.
Happy birthday, Ben, you little miracle, you.
I'll delete shit, unless it amuses me on some level. otherwise, good bye.
I run a fairly large community website and I'm aware of the many classifications of troll that are out there, and I've found that of all the ways I have tried dealing with them, it always ends in banning their IP. I don't like deleting either because it seems a bit like messing with history, but the community members, as they are here, are mature enough to avoid the bear-pokery.
I wrestle with the flickr issue all the time. I adore my children (as we all do, of course) and love being able to share moments with friends around the world, something that's hard to do without blogging or sending large unwieldy emails. I've just changed my security settings as a precaution, but I won't stop publishing them to my blog. Fortunately, we live in a small remote country which (knock on wood) is relatively safe.
And lastly (this is a real conglomeration comment!) happy 5 months Ben! And love to Liam.
If I had a delete button, I would have used it for you earlier. I'm sorry there are hateful people in our world. How do we teach our children to deal with such people...oh yeah..the unpokeable bear!
Cheers to you and your beautiful family (not drinking tea tonight)!
By the way? I love that movie. Princess Bride is one of my top movies of all time. Thank you for reminding me of it.
"No more rhyming, AND I MEAN IT!""Anybody want a peanut?"
Sassy: apologies for the slight edit, as you'd referred to That Which Must Not Be Named, the whole of which has fallen off the back of the truck. :)
LawyerMama, god, 18 weeks... that is scary. Damn TTTS, random sniper. I'm so, so sorry your friends have this news, and I'm thinking of them tonight.
Happy birthday to the unpokeable cub!
I read some of your posts and cried while I read them.
I'm sorry you lost Liam but what you wrote about his leaving was beautiful and touched my heart. Thank you for sharing that.
Happy Birthday, Baby Ben.
And deleting and ignoring are beautiful things. They don't deserve our attention or bandwidth.
But, in better, happy, news, a most wonderful five/two month birthday to Mr. Ben!
Of all the blogs I read, yours would be the last place I thought a troll might show up. I agree, ignore them like a pesky fly buzzing around your sweet picnic. Trolls want attention and if they don't get it, they move on to somewhere else.
And The Princess Bride is our favorite movie to quote!
happiest of birthdays to the wonderboys. how lucky we are that you continue to share your amazing pix of your family. as cautious as i am, i'd miss them, too.
the princess bride rules.
pictures of your kids are impossible not to share.
all facts of life...yes?
happy 5th month to ben! he really is a miracle, i'm amazed seeing him grow through your pictures. he is scrumptious.
and your comments about the mirror, so beautiful and honest.
Thank you.
Now pass that Whoopie Pie says the pregnant chick!